Oct 7, 2012; Landover, MD, USA; Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan (2) prepares to take the snap from Atlanta Falcons center Todd McClure (62) against the Washington Redskins during the second half at FedEX Field. Mandatory Credit: Brad Mills-US PRESSWIRE

(For the purposes of this article we assume the most popular answer on our poll is the one that was used to survive last week. So far we have used Houston, Cincinnati, Dallas, Baltimore and San Francisco)

With each passing week, the “confidence” of your Ultimate Survivor friend reaches new heights. This week your stone-cold, triple-platinum, lock of the century, Survivor League pick has to be the Atlanta Falcons (5-0, RRPR 3) at home over the hapless marauders of Oakland (1-3, SI Ranking 29). The Raiders have to fly three time zones to play an early game against at team that is performing at a significantly higher level. Now that Brian Cushing of the Houston Texans (5-0, RRPR 1) is out for the season with an ACL tear, I have the Falcons poised to become the second best team in the NFL behind the retro Niners. Approximately once every year a West Coast team breaks the trend and wins an early game on the East Coast. Unfortunately for the Silver and Black, those honors have already been taken by the Arizona Cardinals (4-1, RRPR 13) in Week 2 courtesy of the New England Patriots (3-2, RRPR 5) and Mr. Snausages.

My alternate pick, in case you have used Atlanta already, this week is Arizona over the Buffaloed Bills. In two of their three road games this year, Buffaloed has been downright obliterated – losing by 20 to the New York Jets (2-3, RRPR 27) in Week 1, and by 42 to the Niners last week. The Bills did not even bother going home this week to prepare for the tail end of their back-to-back West Coast road trip. My guess is that the elongated stay was to avoid the 17 fans waiting for them back in Orchard Park. Regardless, look for another double digit loss by the soon-to-be Los Angeles Bills.

My sucker bet of the week is the Baltimore Ravens (4-1, RRPR 4) over the Dallas Cowboys (2-2, RRPR 15). The Ravens do not score a lot of points, and have not shown the same pass rush without Terrell Suggs anchoring the charge. I am not ready to say that the Cowboys take the win on this one, but I am also not ready to put my streak on the line on this game.

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Sept. 30, 2012; East Rutherford, NJ, USA; San Francisco 49ers fullback Bruce Miller (49) high fives teammates after quarterback Colin Kaepernick (7) after a touchdown during the second quarter against the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Debby Wong-US PRESSWIRE

What a difference a week … and a collective bargaining agreement… can make. Do you think it is any coincidence that order is restored in the Survivor football universe the same week the real referees take charge? Houston TexansTexans (4-0, Riggo’s Rag Power Rankings 1) – WIN. Baltimore Ravens (3-1, RRPR 4) – WIN. Survivor players – HAPPY. Do not forget, the Patriots actually scored the game winning touchdown against the Cardinals in Week 2 before it was called back by a phantom holding call on Rob “I Have Big Pecs” Gronkowski from some muttonhead who is now safely back teaching remedial English to Lingere Bowl rejects.

(For the purposes of this article we assume the most popular answer on our poll is the one that was used to survive last week.  So far we have used Houston, Cincinnati, Dallas, and Baltimore.)

For the six percent of you still alive in your Survivor leagues – and Lombardi bless you if you are – this week will be easier than clinching the AL West with a 13-game lead over a team with less than half your payroll and not a single fantasy player on the roster. It’s the Niners (3-1, RRPR 2) over the Buffaloed Bills (2-2, RRPR 24) this week mis amigos. The Bills’ two wins this year are against two teams with a win total of 1!: the Chiefs (1-3, RRPR 23) and Browns (0-4, RRPR 29). In their other two games, the Bills have lost by an average of 22 points – including a 20-point spanking by the propeller-less New York Jets (2-2, RRPR 27), and a 24-point flogging at home by an offense some think is slipping.  The New England Patriots (2-2, RRPR 5) scored more points in the final 20 minutes than they had scored in any single game this year. Meanwhile, the Niners remain the class of the NFC, beating that same Jets crew 34-0 in New York.

If you have already spent your Niners token this Survivor season, the sucker play is the New York “Should Be” Giants (2-2, RRPR 9). Barring a 14-point collapse in Week 2 from an underperforming Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-3, RRPR 19) team, the Giants would be 1-3. The only solid victory the “Should Be”s have this season is against an over-hyped, under-talented Carolina Panthers group (1-3, RRPR 25). Last season, the Giants were a double-digit favorite at home in Week 5 to an uppity Seattle Seahawks squad (2-2, RRPR 12), and were beaten in every facet of the game. The Giants, who historically play down to their competition, are poised to repeat Week 5 history this season against the Browns.

The better Plan B is the Cincinnati Bengals (3-1, RRPR 15) over the Miami Dolphins (1-3, RRPR 28) The Guppies are playing on the road for the second straight week, and are feeling the emotional hangover of back-to-back last minute losses in games they had no business losing. I like the Bengals by double digits in this one.

As for our Beltway Boys, I’m, uh-hem, picking the Falcons (4-0, RRPR 3). (Although there are much better picks than against our 3.5 point home dogs.)  Basically, I don’t like our secondary vs. their air attack, but more on that later today.

Hit me!

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Sept 16, 2012; St. Louis, MO, USA; Washington Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan looks at Redskins wide receiver Josh Morgan (15) after Morgan received a penalty with less than 2 minutes left in the game against the St. Louis Rams at the Edward Jones Dome. The Rams defeated the Redskins 31-28. Mandatory Credit: Photo by Scott Rovak-US PRESSWIRE

That city-wide groan of bewilderment you heard ringing throughout the DC-area as the boneheaded, noodle-armed Josh “Captain” Morgan incomprehensibly shot-putted the football at Cortland Finnegan’s helmet (watch the replay – it was as embarrassingly wimpy of a throw as it was incomprehensively moronic of a move) was drowned out only by the piercing 10-year-old-girl-like shriek of unadulterated hysteria coming from my living room as Stephen “Snausuges” Gostkowski of the New England Patriots did his best Phil Mickelson-under-pressure-tee shot impersonation, shanking the game-deciding 42-yard field goal attempt so far off to the left that it may very well have hit Robert Kraft sitting in his sideline luxury box.

Much like when Al Del Greco lost his standing as the greatest NFL football player of all time, I just do not have the heart to go on providing survivor league picks. In a world where the Patriots lose their season opener at Gillette Stadium for the first time ever to a football grouping (no – not a team, a grouping) led by Kevin “Please Don’t Hit Me” Kolb, what is the point? But I must. You – my fellow Redskins radicals, count on me to keep your Wednesday workday afternoons entertaining as you feign being productive and profitable for the Man.  Alas, I’ll keep going.  Just for you… and, well, my job kinda requires it too.

So, for the 20% of you that are still alive in Survivor Leagues, this week does not have any clear choices.  Remember, Houston and Cincinnati have now been used, not that I would touch either of those games this week.  (Since this is for those of you still alive in your pools, I am going under the assumption you picked Cincinnati last week based on this column’s poll that was conducted.)  The Skins (1-1, RR Power Ranking 18, SI Power Ranking 16) host an overrated Cincinnati Bengals club (1-1, RRPR 19, SIPR 20) at FedEx Field. The Burgundy and Gold are a 3 ½ point favorites, and -180 on the money line. I like RG III to lead the Skins to victory in this one (just as long as the “Captain” stays anchored on the sidelines). The Bungles had a difficult time at home last week beating “rookie” Grandpappy Weeden, and got embarrassed by the Baltimore Ravens (1-1, RRPR 5, SIPR 4) in Week 1. However, I think there are better picks on the board.

For my money (pretending there is any left after Snausuges Gostkowski), I like the San Francisco 49ers (RRPR 1, SIPR 1) over Minnesota (RRPR 26, SIPR 26). While I typically do not choose road teams, this week offers a pretty weak slate of home favorites. Almost 30% of Survivor players are picking the head-coachless New Orleans Saints (0-2, RRPR 21, SIPR 23) at home over the gawd-awful Kansas City Chiefs (0-2, RRPR 27, SIPR30). However, I choose teams who have yet to win a game even more rarely than I do road teams. Plus, my Spidey-senses are telling me the Saints are an inch away from a total implosion. If the Aints find themselves losing early, it could be over for New Orleans… for the whole season.
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