It took me a while to compose this letter properly. I’m sure you can imagine how distraught I have been the past couple of days. I mean, I wake up Saturday morning after a riveting evening of beer pong to find out that you guys have bet the farm on the second pick in the 2012 draft…
At first I was hopeful that maybe you were going all out to get Matt Kalil to help out with protecting me in the pocket or maybe even get Justin Blackmon as an offensive weapon so I can throw it deep more… Then I turn on the news and all I see is that you’ve “fallen in love with two guys” and the whole town is going nuts over the Griffin kid from Baylor (a school who doesn’t even run a pro style offense).
You can’t begin to imagine how much this hurts me to the core.
I mean, Kyle, you cannot possibly expect this KID to come in and start. I’m hoping if you do draft him next month that it means you hope for me to my very best (and I would because we’re buds) to teach him your complex offensive system. We all know Sexy Rexy can’t hang around forever, time to groom a protege, right? I hope this is the case. Either way, it’s been bothering me quite a bit. Yeah sure he can run around real fast and throw passes 40 yds deep on his heels in motion, but I’ve never lost a game of Three-Man… that’s REAL talent! (Well, ok, maybe I lost once). Anyways, I feel like the only child who finds out that I won’t be the only child anymore. I mean, I’m the ORIGINAL RG3… can’t knock that!
Also, what’s going to happen to John? He and I go fishing on our days off and talk about how the game went… I hope he’s around.
It’s going to be sort of strange going into the locker room in a month without seeing what color beard The Caveman will have… he will definitely be missed. But I do have a question: if we don’t know what’s going on with LaRon (besides his conquest to look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle), why’d they get rid of O.J.? Seems odd. Hmm… maybe it’s to get me my long term contract (hint, hint
Well, tomorrow is the start of free agency at 4:00 PM sharp and I have yet to hear from Brucey about a contract extension. I hope to hear from him tomorrow before 4:00… I feel like I’ve earned it!
Hope to hear from you soon and Hail to the
Rexskins… I mean Redskins!!
(Man I can’t seem to quit doing that!)
P.S. – Would you guys consider doubling the salary I had last year? I mean, I came back after pneumonia and was a rockstar, if I do say so myself… SWAAAAAAAG!!!”
Follow Me On Twitter: @NFLHustleBabe