Famous Cowboys Who Jerk Off for Men

Let it be said, the Rag is a family place and I have actually censored comments for being less graphic than even my headline.  Frankly, I just can’t pass this one up so if you aren’t interested in reading something of a graphic nature, please skip this post. If you are too young to be reading this post go back to wanking to pictures of the Redskins cheerleaders like you were before you stumbled on this post.

The lovable, laughable, untouchable Kissing Suzy Kolber has dropped another fabulous story for us.  In a new book coming out by Jeff Pearlmen called “Boys Will Be Boys” it is revealed that 49ers and Cowboys DE Charles Haley used to masturbate in the locker room and during meetings.

The book covers the often colorful history of the Cowboys during the 90′s and presumably details the drugs, guns, and the skinny posts. [pun intended] But it reserves a special chapter for Haley and his nickname “the last naked warrior.”

Here I am quoting KSK quoting Pearlman: “Haley would stroll up to an unsuspecting (49er) teammate, whip out his phallus, and repeatedly stroke it in his face. Players initially laughed it off. But Haley refused to stop. He would jerk off in the locker room, in the trainer’s room. He’d wrap his hand around his penis, turn toward a Joe Montana or John Taylor, and bellow, ‘You know you wanna suck this!’”

He goes on to say: “Charles used to beat off in meetings while talking graphically about other players’ wives. It got to the point of ejaculation.”

Prepared now for a list of tasteless oneliners!

Now we know what was in Jimmy Johnson’s hair!

You know the difference between Joe Montana and Troy Aikman?  He really did want to suck it!

Now I know how he got all those sacks.  No offensive lineman wanted to touch him.

Terrell Owens isn’t the only person to “do a dance” on the Cowboy’s star.

And speaking of dancing, doesn’t this bring a whole new meaning to the concept of the sack dance?

OK, that’s all I’ve got now, but come back for more because every time I think of one I’m going to add.  And most importantly, add yours in the comment field!  This may be the best thing to happen to the Redskins-Cowboys rivalry since Barry Switzer “forgot” he had his gone in his suitcase.

-DW

 

Topics: Charles Haley Masturbation, Redskins

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  • http://riggosrag.com/ Redskins Guy

    He had to have been going on JJ’s hair on a regular basis.  That thing could deflect small caliber bullets!

  • dwagner

    Well probably only Cameron Diaz knows the answer, but I suspect one “treatment” will work for quite awhile. :)

    -DW

  • http://landryhat davedallasfan

    yeah, sir charles was quite the locker room clown. that just shows what goes on in those closed door locker rooms. you guys as redkin fans have a few good stories to tell i’m sure about how some of your boys felt about the “illiterate” dexter manly. there just seems to be something about those pass rushing specialists, does’nt there now.????

  • http://landryhat davedallasfan

    i love the one that theisman tells about manly walking around with a $1000 armani suit, $3500 rolex watch, and a copy of the wall street journal under his arm. all the boys were laughing there asses off cause they knew, he could’nt read, he could’nt tell time, and he sure did’nt whoe the hell armani was, but he was’nt gonna give him back his siut just cause his name was on the inside lapel……ha thats funny shit

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  • theMBIIIeffect

    That’s indefensible. I was going to say “I’m not going to touch that one with a 22 and a half foot pole” before I realized that I probably shouldn’t say “pole” when masturbation is the post topic.
     
    I’ll let you all get back to spankin’ it over your favorite new Rainbow Warrior, Colt Brennan.

  • Staubach

    naw MB, they are making stomach pancakes to the dancing videos of Jason Taylor ;-)

  • CatCrave

    Was Haley using a one-gap technique or a two-gap technique?

  • Staubach

    In all seriousness (if that is possible with a subject like this), I have my doubts on it’s validity as it self-contradicts itself (no pun intended). He is listed as a homophobic, but who also gets gay in the locker room? Not consistant. Obviously the whole idea of writting this book is pure money. Write something scandalous about a team where nobody has a middle position. He has made a lot of money being provocative over the years (money made at others expense). Not a true journalist.

    At least the Haley thing was when he was a SF 69er player ;-)

  • http://riggosrag.com/ Redskins Guy

    It seems like the sort of thing people would notice.  Some guy running around sticking his junk in people’s faces during a team meeting is not something one is likely to forget.

    If it’s bunk, his buddies should come out and say so (or at least say something to the effect of “in all my years, he’s never done that to me in the locker room and I’ve never seen it”.   If it’s true, then there should be some witnesses to corroborate the story.  

  • Staubach

    That is what I mean. In a team meeting? I do not think any coach would put up with that, even for a pro bowler.

    If it is true, it is definitly outrageous. It just does seem possible for the reason I gave. Wonder if Joe Montana has been asked about it lol

  • http://riggosrag.com/ Redskins Guy

    Well, after watching HBO’s documentary on the cowboys, I did walk away realizing how big those meeting rooms are.  They’re practically lecture halls at college and I know firsthand that people can get away with quite a lot during a lecture. 

    It’s conceivable that he was doing something in the back of the room or something along those lines, but I certainly can’t imagine him standing on a desk while coaches just sat there and watched, which is the picture the article paints. 

    On the other hand, there has to be some basis of truth to it. People don’t just make this shit up for no reason.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s distorted or exaggerated a bit.

  • WestCoastSkins

    Embarassing……truly embarassing

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