Greetings citizens of Redskins Nation! I am here to happily announce that Dan Snyder and his affiliates in the Ministry of Truth have purchased the remaining Sports stations within the DC area, including Sportstalk 980 which is often known for it’s scathing criticism of the Redskins ownership. You can read more about this triumphant event here.
This change will allow us all to benefit from having a closer connection with the team that outside, third parties could never hope to achieve. No longer will reporters and radio hosts have to dig to find a story; it will be now sent to them via courier every morning by the Ministry.
Rumors that Brian Mitchell and Rick “Doc” Walker have been siezed by the Ministry of Love and taken for re-education are grossly exaggerated. Representatives from the Snyder organization have stressed that nothing has been decided regarding the status of either of their shows. However, the Ministry of Love does want to stress that thoughtcrime is still a serious violation and that you should report any illegal activity to your local Party affiliate. Failure to Hail the Redskins or to demonstrate loyalty to the Redskins is now a crime punishable by death. Criticizing any member of Redskins management is now a crime punishable by death. We want to take this opportunity to remind you that Dan Snyder loves you and wants you to be happy.
Thank you and have a nice day.